Author Archives: shrinkingswiftie_qvg6wu

Progress is Progress

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Purple dumbbells. I know it sounds silly, but they have made my month.

My upper arms have always been a travesty. Not only do I have the aging batwings going on, they are extra meaty and flabby. It’s like a second arm hanging off my bicep. GROSS! About a month ago I added ten pounds of dumbbells (purple, of course) at my desk and 4-5 times a day I pick them up. I do 2×10 reps of 5 lbs presses, 2×10 reps of 10 lbs presses, 2×10 overhead triceps presses, and 2×10 curls. It’s wild, and I get sore, but it’s a good kind of sore.

I’ve lost about an inch off my upper arms. I and others have noticed that it’s not as flabby. My sleeves aren’t as tight either which is wild. I still have a long way to go, but I tell you when I needed a NSV (non scale victory) since the scale isn’t budging, so I will take it right now.

Peanut Butter and Jelly Pie

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INGREDIENTS

For the Crust:
138 grams Carolina Crunch cinnamon square protein cereal (or similar crunchy style cereal)
6 tablespoons melted butter 1/4 cup Swerve brown sugar

For the filling:
1 cup PB2 powder, prepared with water to be like peanut butter
1 brick low fat cream cheese, softened
1 1/4 cup Swerve powdered sugar
1 tub of zero sugar Cool Whip

First, make the crust. In a food processor, grind the cereal into crumbs and add the brown sugar with a few final pulses. Drizzle in the butter and pulse the processor until it is evenly distributed. Spray a pie plate with avocado oil cooking spray and press the crust mixture evenly into the pie plate and freeze for 20 minutes.

In a large mixing bowl, beat the peanut butter mixture and the cream cheese on medium speed until well combined. Beat in the powdered sugar, and then fold in the whipped topping until it is all mixed well.

Spoon 1/2 of the mixture into the pie crust. Take 1/3 cup of the preserves and swirl it into the peanut butter mixture, then repeat the process. Chill for at least four hours, but overnight is best.

MACROS
Calories: 251
Fat: 14.3g
Carbs: 21.75g
Fiber: 2.75g
Protein: 6.25g

I saw this recipe in a food magazine that was not exactly like this. It called for ritz crackers in the crust, and of course real peanut butter and full sugared and fat everything. I said you know what? I can make it better. This was the macros on the original recipe:

As you can see, your girl cooked. Except this was a no bake pie!

The Spiral of My Brain

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I am struggling mentally. I think I really realized the extent of what is going on yesterday evening, and now I am trying to figure out how to course correct my brain before I go completely off the reservation. I haven’t felt this depressed in a while, and I need to figure out why. At first I thought it was the addition of the Wellbutrin, but I have been off of that for over a week and it wasn’t supposed to have any lasting effects.

Work has been a dystopian hellscape since AI threatens to replace me, and my role in the company is uncertain. School is hard as hell as I near the end, the courses are getting super real, and have been increasing my caffeine intake yet still sleeping for hours after I get off work and disrupting my sleep schedule. Gaming is not as fun as it used to be for me. Actually nothing is. I used to craft my days away, but it’s all locked in a messy, cluttered, disorganized craft room.

I used to take joy in cooking, but even that has become a chore. It’s a struggle making things that are delicious but still healthy. And then when I do make something delicious that I love it’s like I have to stop myself from having too much of it so I don’t destroy myself. And then if I don’t stop myself, if I indulge, which I have been doing a lot lately because I’ve had a major “fuck it” attitude to life and the world, I beat myself up. Then I spiral into a self-loathing because I’m terrified of screwing up all the progress I’ve made so far. Then I second-guess every decision I’ve made leading up to this.

I swear I’m still taking all my medications, so it’s definitely not that. I wonder if introducing the wellbutrin broke me or if work is just that insane that it’s affecting everything. I wish I had more answers. I’m not going to stop trying but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t on the struggle bus with getting outside of my head.

Keep It Moving

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I am so glad I bought dumbbells. I can use them during the day while I’m sitting here at work, and honestly when I’m near having a panic attack due to work it helps give me something to focus on. It is making me consider either an under desk elliptical or under desk bike pedals to add more motion because getting to the bike in the living room sometimes doesn’t happen.

I have been stress eating and I have a wild week coming up ahead that I’m going to have to carefully meal plan, but I have at least been staying mostly on target. I’m trying to learn to be kinder to myself but that is a work in progress. Ended up getting take out tonight because work made me miserable, but I chose a salad and chicken noodle soup. ALSO got a cool sausage and sweet potato skillet meal tomorrow and chicken crust “flatbread” pizza on Friday night with a salad. Tomorrow for lunch will be another salad. Yum!

The Importance of Being Smaller

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I’ve gotta get this knee fixed. It’s my main priority for the year, because that will make my quality of life so much better as well as afford me more movement opportunities to lose even more weight. It’s the age old “get a job, but to get a job, you need experience, to get experience, you need a job” dilemma. Move more, exercise more, but to do that I need to not hobble… to get my knee fixed, I need to lose weight. To lose weight, I need to exercise more. I’m doing what I can with a recumbent bike, swimming (when weather affords) and dumbells at my desk when work is slow.

Yesterday I decided to put a little bit of mild fasting into my schedule, only eating when my lunch break hit at around 11am. I then made a huge salad and ate that, and a little later had some fruit – grapes and cherry plums. A little later I had some garden crackers and was good until dinner, where I made a balanced dinner and then had a little more fruit/veggies and hummus as a snack while I raided. All in all I had a great food day, so I think I’m going to continue the trend of fasting until lunchtime and seeing if that helps me keep my caloric intake to a minimum.

I am drinking plenty in the morning. Water, an alani, a coffee or two or ten (just kidding but some mornings I need it!) and my medicine and vitamins/supplements until 11am. I’m using the dumbells until my arms are sore so we’re going to keep these good vibes going. Meal plan is almost done for the coming week, thanks to Pinterest. Just need one more meal to make it complete!

Fast Solutions to a Problem

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Last night was a takeout night, and I went completely off the reservation. Kiddo wanted Sonic after I got out of work, and I obliged. I got myself some garlic parmesan bites (260 cal, not so bad) along with his food but I also managed to eat a chicken tender and half a tater tot order just munching. Bad, bad girl. I wish I could say it stopped there.

We get to the takeout part. I decide to get a southwest salad at chic fila (with grilled nuggets) and there was a reward for 2 free chicken strips. Free food has no calories right? Wrong. I ate those, and then got the boys food. Popcorn chicken and curly fries for kiddo, and a combo for the mister. I ate most of the fries before we got home (He doesn’t eat many fries so there was plenty still for him). I also got him a chicken sandwich from Walmart. I ate my salad when I got home, and I ate another salad after that. I also had cashews I got from Walmart. Did I chart all this like I should? No.

It’s wild to me because I can be relatively okay until that first morsel of food hits my lips, then it’s like it’s all I can think about. So today I’m trying something new. As I type this, it’s 9:42 AM and I have been up for almost four hours. My usual breakfast time is like 7-8 AM so this is off for me. I’m going to try to go as far as I can without eating to see if it will help me. I’m so afraid of losing all my progress that I am desperate to try anything at this point. I’ll let you know how it goes!

Post Traumatic Snacking Disorder

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Good lord. This is a spiral. The more I stress about what I’m eating, the more I’m complelled to stress eat. It’s a weird cycle. I have moved my little dumbells to the office so when I get the urge to boredom eat, I can grab them and do some workouts. It’s working, for the most part. I’m coupling that with eating filling, healthy meals and snacks today and seeing how that works for me. I also need to dye my hair today or tomorrow.

Meal planning is getting harder as the weeks go by, because I’m bored with everything I’ve done. My husband is getting more annoyed with stuff too, like for instance the ribs I made on Sunday. They were amazing but he didn’t want to bring messy food to work. I get it, but I’m just trying to keep it tasty and a little different when I can, and cooking on weekends is when I can take my time and make good stuff.

I think it’s time to take back to my original hunting grounds and hit up Pinterest. I have so many recipes saved on TikTok these days, but that is so hard to sort through. At least on Pinterest, it’s saved into groups and easy to find. What I need to do is move the video links from the recipe videos I liked to its own Pinterest group. Brainstorming out loud here.

If you are reading this and have something new I can try, let me know. I’m getting bored over here and running out of new ideas.

Snacking Zensations and Wellness Check

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I have found that the only way to keep myself satiated between meals is to snack. So my goal has to be to find high volume, low calorie snacks. I have a few go-tos that I have found make me happy and give me the volume I need to not think about food, but not add a ton of calories.

Cucumbers – I will slice an entire cucumber rather thinly and make a quick dipping sauce that is very low-cal and no sugar. Another favorite bulk treat is popcorn. My favorite is the love pop from Central Market (HEB brand) and it’s 170 calories for TWO CUPS! That’s huge.

As I had stated previously, I had started Wellbutrin a few weeks ago for my ADHD. I feel like it’s made me gain weight as it started going up while nothing else has changed but my medications. Not only that but my energy level has been depleted. It cumulated with me sleeping through most of my long holiday weekend, and almost oversleeping for work this morning. I decided yesterday to stop taking it (as apparently I am getting the reverse effects as it gives most people. They report more energy and focus and weight loss. I’m not having any of that obviously) so I’m going to see if I can regulate and then I can reevaluate with my doctor when I get on my higher Rybelsus dose. And hopefully that will eliminate the rest of my food noise.

I’m doing everything I can to stay on track and get this weight loss, but at this point I’m sort of keeping afloat and not swimming. I need to do something to help it along.

Meals For the Week

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Saturday
Chicken Wings
Cucumber Slices

Sunday
Slow-cooked ribs with no sugar added Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ Sauce
Mac and cheese with protein pasta
Sauteed zucchini

Monday
Air fried cheddar brats
Roasted potatoes
Carrots

Tuesday
Takeout

Wednesday
Protein pasta with no sugar added sauce and sausages

Thursday
Baked chicken breast
Mixed Vegetables
Brown Rice

Cakey Chocolate Chip Cookie Bites

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I thought these cookies would be a great idea. I made those protein peanut butter balls and my kid said they might make good cookies. I got a box of zero sugar cake mix, and instead of using it to make cake or cupcakes, I decided to try to add some things and make cookies. I used the box, added a half cup of PB2 powder, then a cup of high protein Greek yogurt along with two eggs. I had to add a smidge of water to get it to a cookie dough consistency and then dropped it onto the parchment with a cookie scoop and baked it at 350 for about 12 minutes.

Now, these taste great and I think the stats are good enough to use as a sweet treat when needed. I will post them below though, and let you decide for yourself. The stats are per cookie, so take that as you will.

Calories: 45.7
Fat: .95g
Carb: 19.85g
Fiber: .25g
Protein: 1.8g