Category Archives: Health

The Spiral of My Brain

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I am struggling mentally. I think I really realized the extent of what is going on yesterday evening, and now I am trying to figure out how to course correct my brain before I go completely off the reservation. I haven’t felt this depressed in a while, and I need to figure out why. At first I thought it was the addition of the Wellbutrin, but I have been off of that for over a week and it wasn’t supposed to have any lasting effects.

Work has been a dystopian hellscape since AI threatens to replace me, and my role in the company is uncertain. School is hard as hell as I near the end, the courses are getting super real, and have been increasing my caffeine intake yet still sleeping for hours after I get off work and disrupting my sleep schedule. Gaming is not as fun as it used to be for me. Actually nothing is. I used to craft my days away, but it’s all locked in a messy, cluttered, disorganized craft room.

I used to take joy in cooking, but even that has become a chore. It’s a struggle making things that are delicious but still healthy. And then when I do make something delicious that I love it’s like I have to stop myself from having too much of it so I don’t destroy myself. And then if I don’t stop myself, if I indulge, which I have been doing a lot lately because I’ve had a major “fuck it” attitude to life and the world, I beat myself up. Then I spiral into a self-loathing because I’m terrified of screwing up all the progress I’ve made so far. Then I second-guess every decision I’ve made leading up to this.

I swear I’m still taking all my medications, so it’s definitely not that. I wonder if introducing the wellbutrin broke me or if work is just that insane that it’s affecting everything. I wish I had more answers. I’m not going to stop trying but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t on the struggle bus with getting outside of my head.

Keep It Moving

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I am so glad I bought dumbbells. I can use them during the day while I’m sitting here at work, and honestly when I’m near having a panic attack due to work it helps give me something to focus on. It is making me consider either an under desk elliptical or under desk bike pedals to add more motion because getting to the bike in the living room sometimes doesn’t happen.

I have been stress eating and I have a wild week coming up ahead that I’m going to have to carefully meal plan, but I have at least been staying mostly on target. I’m trying to learn to be kinder to myself but that is a work in progress. Ended up getting take out tonight because work made me miserable, but I chose a salad and chicken noodle soup. ALSO got a cool sausage and sweet potato skillet meal tomorrow and chicken crust “flatbread” pizza on Friday night with a salad. Tomorrow for lunch will be another salad. Yum!

The Importance of Being Smaller

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I’ve gotta get this knee fixed. It’s my main priority for the year, because that will make my quality of life so much better as well as afford me more movement opportunities to lose even more weight. It’s the age old “get a job, but to get a job, you need experience, to get experience, you need a job” dilemma. Move more, exercise more, but to do that I need to not hobble… to get my knee fixed, I need to lose weight. To lose weight, I need to exercise more. I’m doing what I can with a recumbent bike, swimming (when weather affords) and dumbells at my desk when work is slow.

Yesterday I decided to put a little bit of mild fasting into my schedule, only eating when my lunch break hit at around 11am. I then made a huge salad and ate that, and a little later had some fruit – grapes and cherry plums. A little later I had some garden crackers and was good until dinner, where I made a balanced dinner and then had a little more fruit/veggies and hummus as a snack while I raided. All in all I had a great food day, so I think I’m going to continue the trend of fasting until lunchtime and seeing if that helps me keep my caloric intake to a minimum.

I am drinking plenty in the morning. Water, an alani, a coffee or two or ten (just kidding but some mornings I need it!) and my medicine and vitamins/supplements until 11am. I’m using the dumbells until my arms are sore so we’re going to keep these good vibes going. Meal plan is almost done for the coming week, thanks to Pinterest. Just need one more meal to make it complete!

Post Traumatic Snacking Disorder

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Good lord. This is a spiral. The more I stress about what I’m eating, the more I’m complelled to stress eat. It’s a weird cycle. I have moved my little dumbells to the office so when I get the urge to boredom eat, I can grab them and do some workouts. It’s working, for the most part. I’m coupling that with eating filling, healthy meals and snacks today and seeing how that works for me. I also need to dye my hair today or tomorrow.

Meal planning is getting harder as the weeks go by, because I’m bored with everything I’ve done. My husband is getting more annoyed with stuff too, like for instance the ribs I made on Sunday. They were amazing but he didn’t want to bring messy food to work. I get it, but I’m just trying to keep it tasty and a little different when I can, and cooking on weekends is when I can take my time and make good stuff.

I think it’s time to take back to my original hunting grounds and hit up Pinterest. I have so many recipes saved on TikTok these days, but that is so hard to sort through. At least on Pinterest, it’s saved into groups and easy to find. What I need to do is move the video links from the recipe videos I liked to its own Pinterest group. Brainstorming out loud here.

If you are reading this and have something new I can try, let me know. I’m getting bored over here and running out of new ideas.

Swimming and Sunburns

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I love swimming. It’s an amazing form of exercise for people who have bad legs and knees. The water makes you feel weightless and kicking and the swimming motions of the arms work the entire body. Back pre-baby when I was doing well with losing weight, I lived at an apartment complex that I had access to the pool at late nights. I would go around 10-11pm at night every night and swim laps for a half hour or so for exercise. I was too self conscious to do much during the daytime.

Now, the swimsuit that I got at the end of last season is a little baggy. I still wore it today to the pool, during the daytime (while other people were there! -gasp-) and took the kiddo … we swam laps and played around for a few hours. I applied water resistant sunscreen but it wasn’t very resistant at all. Kiddo’s face is red and my face and shoulders/back are bright lobster red.

So here’s the thing that I just discovered: sunburns can effect blood sugar! The stress to the skin and inflammation can cause increased insulin resistance and increased gluconeogenesis, which means the liver produces more glucose and it increases the blood sugar. Increased cortisol levels can also stimulate the release of glucose from the liver. Sunburns can lead to dehydration, which also will concentrate blood sugar levels. Cue “the more you know” jingle.

So moral of the story: I wanted a tan, and I should achieve that after the redness and peeling is over, but I need to find more water resistant sunscreen for the future because it’s not worth the blood sugar level increase to look darker. I’ll bust out the Jergens healthy glow tanning lotion. For everyday wear I use the CeraVe moisturizing suncreen for my face, but it isn’t waterproof so it’d be useless then.

Either way, I had so much fun at the pool and hope to go many more times this year. Swimming is my favorite form of exercise and I will suffer the burns – for now.

Banana Pudding Protein Fluff

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INGREDIENTS:
♥ 2 cups plain or vanilla Greek yogurt
♥ 1 8 oz. tub of sugar free cool whip, thawed
♥ 1 package zero sugar banana pudding mix
♥ 2 bananas, chopped
♥ 1/4 cup Catalina Crunch cinnamon square protein cereal (or any protein cereal of your choice) per serving

In a large container, mix the yogurt and the pudding mix until well combined. Fold in the cool whip. At this point it is fine to add any sugar free syrups you wish to add. I am a fan of the Skinny Syrups marshmallow sugar free syrup with this particular flavor profile. Mix everything until well combined, and then fold in the bananas. Cover and chill for at least a few hours. Serve one cup of the pudding fluff with 1/4 cup of your protein cereal.

MACROS:
Calories: 202
Protein: 21.3g
Carbs: 22g
Fat: 5.1g
Fiber: 5.7g
These are estimated values, not exact science. They are close though! Used through Nourish AI

This is amazing for people with a sweet tooth that love banana! I’m going to experiment with other fruits and flavors. I have some more skinny syrups coming too for add-ins. When I tell you that a cup of it is filling, sweet, decadent tasting, and full of protein which is important on a weight loss journey, it makes dieting seem a little less daunting. I hope that you all get to try this!

Rybelsus Is My New Future Husband

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I started my new medication this weekend, that included a new wonder drug called Rybelsus. Now this is a semiglutide similar to Ozempic, Mounjaro, Wegovy etc. The only difference is it’s a pill taken orally instead of the once-weekly injection that the other medications are. Now, I tried Ozempic when it was still mostly used for diabetes, and it was working great. As soon as I went from the starter dose to the next step, however, the side effects started hitting me hard. I was so sick I thought I had the stomach flu. Nausea, vomiting, excessive fountain pooping . . . and it lasted for months. We didn’t connect it to the Ozempic at first because I didn’t have any of those side effects on the lower dose. It ended up with me in the hospital after blacking out and slicing my hand open while I was unconscious.

Flash forward to years later, about 2 years ago, when my (new, then) doctor decided to try Mounjaro. I was up front with the doctor about my previous GLP-1 woes and my concerns about trying another, but reluctantly agreed to try with the assurances we’d stop if we started to notice the same side effects trending . I gave it about three months, and started struggling with the same issues, so had to go off it then. I was disappointed, but resigned myself to not being able to take any of the weight loss medications.

This medication you have to take 30 minutes before you put anything else into your mouth in the morning, with at least 4 oz of water. Saturday was my first dose and I started noticing the food noise in my head and the hunger all the time was starting to dissipate. Sunday morning, I didn’t eat until well after noon and even then it was because I knew I needed to. That was a feeling I needed to feel, because the last two weeks have stressed me out post-surgery with all the “food noise” going around. This is going to be wonderful! I’m so excited for this new Rybelsus journey.

Friday Perils

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What a week! Yesterday I had the day off (yay Juneteenth! Hope you celebrated by putting funds into black businesses hands!) It really wasn’t much of a day off though because I had a new computer delivery and packed in 2 doctor visit and a lunch playdate with my kiddo. So, let’s get into the doctor visit and how I’m trying to better myself quickly.

The first doctor appointment was a routine two week post-op follow-up. Everything looks good, which is great. I talked to him about my goal of needing to lose 80 pounds before the end of the year to get my knee replacement surgery. I was honest detailing the struggles I faced since getting my surgery now that my stomach capacity was opened up to full. I found out that if I did want to get a sleeve surgery done, I would have to wait six weeks (So literally the first of December) to get that done to let my midsection heal. That wasn’t really the answer I was looking for! He did hook me up with an “obesity doctor” who could help me prescribe medication. I agreed to it, because anything helps, right?

After a fun lunch date with my kiddo where I had a great grilled chicken salad (and balanced it by stealing a few of his fries and a sip or two of his milkshake – hey it had been a very low calorie input day!) it was off to my primary care doctor to discuss phentermine. She was concerned about phentermine being the same as adderall heart-wise for me, so she was reluctant to prescribe it. We put our heads together and brainstormed a plan. Wellbutrin for the ADHD, a medicine for reflux (in case that was what was happening with my weird tummy issues) and an oral GLP-1 to see if it helps. I voiced some concerns because my dad had been on Wellbutrin for assistance quitting smoking, and it made him go pretty nuts. He left his wife, moved in with me, just went 10000% unhinged. So we’re going to start a low-single release version, and have the people in my life watching me just to prevent that from happening. I’ll go pick all of that up after work today.

I’m going to keep on keeping on for right now. It’s rough to be in the mindset that I’m in right now feeling helpless and hopeless. I know it’s fleeting and once everything calms down I’ll be on the other side of this and happier. But right now? Ya girl is struggling. I’m glad I have this outlet to express my worries, fears, and struggles because it’s hard out here for a pimp right now.

Life on the Bike

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Today I made a fun discovery! The panel on my recumbent bike has a little lip that holds my iPad perfectly. This means I can put my tablet on the bike, turn on an episode, and pedal away. I did this for the first time yesterday, and while it wasn’t constant motion, it was a good chunk of it. After that I was on a high! I went to go lay down and finish watching some tv, and I was like “you know, I ‘m laying on my back. Let me move the pillows so I can lay flat.” then I just started doing sit-ups. I did over 100 and would have kept going had my husband not come home. Kiddo even joined me for a while — it was cute! “Mom, am I exercising?”

I feel accomplished because I don’t think I’ve ever gone that hard in exercising since I was in marching band. I woke up today paying for it though! I was so sore! And I did manage about 20 minutes on the bike today due to running errands outside the house. I doubt I’ll even have time to glance at the bike tomorrow with all the outside activity I have to do, but I will get back on it Friday.

My cycle is imminent, like literally should have been here already, If it’s not here by Saturday, I will be taking kiddo to the pool. I’m excited for the first pool visit of the season! Swimming laps makes me so happy and it hurts my muscles but it’s such a good pain! AND I get sun which I desperately need right now. Some natural Vitamin D will do me good. Especially since it’s so hot right now! I’m pretty sure this was the kind of heat that they had Stanley digging holes in. Swimming, biking and sit-ups. There are a few workout apparatuses that I am eyeing on TikTok shop, of all places! I’ll see what happens but for now I’m happy with my half-ass regimen.

Akkermansia muciniphila: Learning More About My Gut

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Click to read the link! <— This is a very good article about the new regime I am working on. So I have been slowly adding in the right nutrients and probiotics to my body, much by my nutritionist’s recommendation. Daily I take Vitafusion Omega-3, Vitafusion Women’s Multivitamin, and Spring Valley Calcium + Vitamin D. This week she suggested that I add Codeage GLP-1 Probiotic + that contains Akkermansia, Clostridium, Bifidobacterium, Chicory Inulin Probiotic, Prebiotics & Postbiotics into my daily regime. I was cautious at first because of the problems that I had when trying to take a GLP-1, but honestly I am willing to try the right combinations of anything to keep me healthy and losing.

I’m getting them delivered today and I will start on that. I have also been suggested to ask my doctor about phentermine. This medicine was originally developed to treat ADHD but found some GLP-1 weight loss properties as well. I thought this was a lovely idea since I was unable to take my ADHD medication due to the PVC’s I developed last fall. PVC’s are Premature Ventricular Contractions. They are not dangerous as long as they do not escalate, and I take medication to keep them under control.. The only down side is I am raw-dogging my ADHD. Jesus take the wheel. So, yes! Let’s do two things at once. I will hear back from her hopefully monday and maybe start that goal.

It’s a lot at one time, but considering the weird hunger and obsession with food since my surgery and my capacity increased to infinity (or so it seems), I am willing to try new things and figure out what works for me.